For anyone who has read my story so far, it is very messed up. It is kind of like something that would happen in a movie- A bad movie. As it has played out, I have had to reflect on why a good person like my former wife would do such horrible, horrible things.
I don't know if I have the answer to that just yet, but I think it has to come down to some sort of defense mechanism in her brain. It seems her brain just won't let her see the whole of the circumstances- the horrible thing she did to her family. Every time I try to tell her, or even help her make any sort of realization about the facts of the situation, she shrugs it off or blames me for making her feel bad. She will even blame the kids at times. What is clearly missing is any accountability for herself and her actions.
In any marriage, the longer we are together with someone, the more we can see their flaws, the more things bother us, and the more we feel taken for granted. That was all at play in her mind. Then, a loser comes along- and I don't use that term lightly, I almost never say that about anyone. Someone who swoons over them, makes them feel special, and gives anything to be with them. They are out there. They want what someone else has. He made her feel special, he made her feel like he was living his life for her. And he was doing that, he is doing that.
The problem with this is that it's not real. There is no real connection, and it is all based on lies. Lies that the person thinks the same, wants to do the same things, is exactly what the other person needs. And of course they do that, why not? They want the person to feel special so they can be chosen to be a new partner. Hormones take over, and it feels like true love. The hormones and feelings wear off over time, as they do with all relationships. When this happens, she will be as unhappy as she was before if not more unhappy because of the horrible things she did to her family.
People have a base happiness level. The fulfillment they get from life, it is fairly constant. It can be changed, but only with hard work and good fundaments and approach to growth and development. Good things and bad things happen, and the person eventually returns to their base happiness level. This has been proven time and time again. There was a study that looked at whether or not someone thought they would be happier if they won the lottery, or if they lost a limb. Obviously, everyone thought that winning the lottery was the clear choice. The study found that, years down the road, the person that lost a limb was actually happier!
Why is this? It is because that person had to work and improve themself, their outlook on life, everything. The person that won the lottery didn't do any of that. This makes all the difference. This is why each and everyone of us who have gone through (and are going through) the pain of divorce will come out better in the end. We will be happier. The person that did the horrible thing, the person that thinks they won the lottery by going with the loser that swooned over them- they will be unhappy.