Many times, when someone is ready to leave a relationship, the pain is too much for them to handle and they have to find someone else to fill the void. Unfortunately, this is all too common when marriages end. There are so many of us out here that have had to deal with this and it is very painful. The person we loved is with someone else and there is nothing we can do about it.
My case is unique in that my former wife chose my neighbor's son for her new partner. This further adds to the pain. With kids in the mix, I see her every day and it is a constant reminder of the immense pain.
I often ask the question, why do people make a horrible choice for their new partner when ending a marriage? The new person is almost always the worst possible choice. There is a very simple reason for this. People choose the first person that is willing to swoon over them, make them the center of their universe, make them feel special and loved. Even if that is a fake love and the person is the worst possible partner. It just feels appealing to them, it gives them what they need, it strokes their ego and makes them feel special.
Of course the person delivering this fake love is a horrible choice. They have nothing else going in life, and they will do anything to make your former partner feel special. That is exactly what the former partner needs. Someone who will do anything for them and make them feel special. Someone who will never reject them because they can't, they have nothing else.
It's sad, but it is the reality. I have seen it time and time again, and I have lived it. The former partner makes every attempt to make things look perfect and happy, but they are not happy. Far from it. The harder they try, the more unhappy they likely are.
How do we deal with this? I am still figuring this out. It hurts a lot, but we have no choice but to work through it. The first thing to realize is that the former partner is not happy. The pain of divorce is hard for everyone, even someone that leave to be with a new partner. They are just masking the pain and ignoring the truth. The true fact is that divorce hurts for everyone, even if our former partners are trying to hide the pain.
The other thing to know is that the more your former partner tries to make things look perfect and make their life look happy, the more they are lying to themselves. It is not perfect, and they are just trying to make things look good to justify their horrible decisions. The sad reality is that this can continue for quite a long time, and they may not ever develop enough self-awareness to know the truth. We can't wait around for this, we can't tell them about their horrible decisions (because they will never listen), we can only accept the reality and move on with our lives.