Somehow, I don't know how, but I made it through the one year anniversary of my separation. It has been a painful and long year. I had some good times, I was even doing very well at times, but then there are the low times. So many low times. I have endured so much pain and suffering over the last year.
It is so hard to believe that it has been a year. I will say that it has gotten easier. It seems to improve in steps. I feel better, then worse, then better, then worse again. Every time I feel worse, it seems to be less and less intense. I still have my fear, animosity, and pain, but they seem to be a little less each time.
Right before the one year mark, I had an epiphany. Her mood swings, anger, yelling, horrible attitude, all of the negative things. Those aren't my problem anymore! Those are his problem. He doesn't win in this reality. He loses. He is the one that has to put up with all of the negative, petulant behaviors. It was really nice to make this connection. It really helped me in my growth and healing.
The one year mark does have some hurdles. I think of this same time last year and am reminded of all the horrible things she has said and done. It was Mother's Day last year, when she stayed out all night and let the kids down by not showing up for their special surprise. I was also last year when she said all of those horrible things about me and was very convincing about her opinions of how horrible I was. It is hard for me to get passed those things. It is hard for me to build my confidence up again and feel good about myself and the person I am. It helps that I have some great new friends that think very highly of me. I was told by a couple of new friends how great I am and how much I enrich their lives. These opinions are far more valuable than hers. They are more based in reality and based on nice things I have done for people in my life.
It's nice to look back at the last year and see how far I have come. It is nice to see that I was able to make it through this horrible time in my life. Am I fully healed and stronger than I have ever been before. I can't say that just yet, but I am hoping to get to that point in the future.